Recovery in the BIble (RIB)

THE NEW COVENANT

Jesus as the new covenant, the living covenant -- pure mystery to me, merely words on a page -- until I realized that the old covenant  was inscribed on stone. Then I remembered that in Jewish tradition, rules for conduct had devolved to become numerous and rigid, not unlike the former stone tablets. Human nature had taken its course and exploded the Ten Commandments into shards of excruciating detail.

Then Jesus came along, and what is the very first thing this new minister does? He goes to a wedding at Cana to transform water (colorless and unexciting) into wine (beautiful, festive, the color of blood and heart). To me, the wedding at Cana seems to demonstrate a shift from stone coldness to welcoming warmth.

Until the resurrection of Jesus, we humans were like Lazarus, trapped behind an enormous, heavy rock. The result? Some very, very dry bones, a population of people in spiritual death. It is Jesus who opens up the tomb and brings us from the walking dead into New Life. The difficult message -- the one that took me years to hear --- is that, in order for Jesus to bring me back to life, I must first be dead. Death of self is a prerequisite, it seems.

This is the New Covenant: gathering living, breathing persons like myself who have found that the Way is not the old way of following myriad rules. Instead, it is the Way as led by the Spirit of God. And what does that mean? For me it is simply this: dying to self and following Jesus -- away from legalism into love, away from moral quantity into moral quality, away from darkness into His Incredible Lightness of Being.

Recovery in the Bible (RIB)

LILIES OF THE FIELD

Scripture tells me that I’m a lily of the field and that I will live in warmth and beauty if only I will do what God asks of me. And so, every day that I can manage it, I take a walk first thing.  I start by thanking God for the covering of Jesus. I tell Him that I am putting my life in His care today, that I need to know what He wants of me today, and that I need His power to do it, whatever it may be.

I ask Him to impart the ears to hear His will for me  and to concentrate on my own journey, not that of anyone else. For example, I used to worry about our finances as a family -- our security, supposedly, as our own.  Now I see that we were not intended to consider money our riches. Now I see that God has made us truly rich: rich with love in abundance in our home (which I’m pretty sure I would not have seen if I we’d had financial abundance instead).

This is how God makes us rich! Now my primary concern is to discern God's will for me each day, and follow -- whether or not that is comfortable for me.  At first, I was just trying to reach for the hand of my Higher Power, whom I chose to call God. Now I realize that it is Jesus who is holding me in Him, and that He lives in me by His Holy Spirit. The Christ Child growing in me. All I have to do is listen for His guidance, and let Him bloom in and through me  -- just like a lily of the field.

Recovery in the Bible (RIB)

THE CHRIST CHILD

Every day, I pray to be converted from a vehicle that runs on Will Power to that far preferable fuel: His Highest Power. And what a difference that New Fuel has made!

Today I am living joyful, safe, and free -- as though I’m basking in the sunlight of Eden. It’s as Adam and Eve must have felt once -- with just one assignment: to choose God’s will over their own. But they didn’t, and in my former life, neither did I. God had given me free will, and I went barreling ahead making wrong choices for approximately forty years.

I am human. I had been given the blessing of freedom to choose, the flip side of which was a curse. Thanks to God, however, I became able to see something else in me as well. I call it the Christ Child. In my mind, it’s about the size of communion wafer -- what my friend, Nan, might describe as “little bitty.” Every time I choose my Higher Power’s will over my own, that little bit of God-ness grows. It’s as if the Christ Child is not born just on Christmas Day, not just in the manger, but born in me, one day at a time.

I suppose it’s a race of evolution. If each of my ancestors grew their Christ Child, the larger the Christ Child I inherited. My part  is simply this: to let Him grow in me and carry Him forth wherever I go. For me, this means letting God lead me, though today I finally see that it is Jesus Who is doing the leading.

The first thing He taught me was that I am an instrument of God. Then later, more precisely: that I am to let Him sing His song through me. Then just the other day, He made it more precise an image still: that I’m an alto --  the part I sing is a hidden line, a line that is buried and not especially noticed unless it is gone. But while it is there,  it enriches the overall song.

May we, each of us, be in the Song that is sung by God! 

Recovery in the Bible (RIB)

LAMB OF GOD

I am starting to appreciate what it means to have Jesus as my personal Savior, my Shepherd, my Lord; that it is not an abstract God whirring around anonymously, but a manifestation of the creative force Who made me and knows me very well.

Today, I see Jesus as having been given all the keys, the keys to five billion people, and He has given the key to me, the key that unlocks the door to Life.

I can see that He has been trying to unlock me for years, and in the most custom-tailored ways. I don’t think it’s an accident, for example, that the first song I learned on the guitar was Wynken, Blynken, and Nod -- a child’s song.

The gifts He gave first were music and dogs, through which I tasted unconditional love and heard the language of God. Then came Hans Kuhn, whose book, entitled  On Christianity nailed my long-held opinions to the Cross. Then came two friends who suggested the rooms of recovery. Then came the Twelve Steps, which taught me I am powerless but He is not. And now I have a close personal relationship with Jesus, the Maker of the Universe, who is suddenly my best friend although He’s been there all along.

Jesus the sacrificial lamb -- the Lamb of God. Jesus, whose death saves me from death, whose blood marks me as it did the first-born sons of Israel in the days of Moses and the first Passover.

Oh Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world. Thank You for lifting the scales from my eyes! Thank You for turning the key that unlocked my heart. Thank You for letting me hear Your song. And thank You for making me willing to sing it today and every day for the rest of my life and then, forever!

Recovery in the Bible (RIB)

HOLY, HOLY, HOLY!

I once had a dream about my circulatory system, seeing it as full of holes that were spilling blood as it went coursing through my body. I could see that the leaks were depleting the flow. In my dream, God told me it was a picture of what it means to be holey.

Then He started sealing up the holes, removing obstacles and clogs, healing the impediments to His full flow in me, through me, from me. He said that's how He makes us whole - entirely whole -- wholly.

Last in the dream was my body transformed into a Pipe Organ, like the ones in church buildings and cathedrals all over the world. This is what He is doing by HIs Holy Spirit within us: transforming us from holey to wholly to holy.

God is a punster? With me, He is -- often. I found this particular "play on words" downright  hilarious. But also helpful. It really clarifies my daily sacrifice of this vessel to be His instrument, played by God anyway He wants.

It made me laugh out loud! Are you laughing, too?

This photograph is from a Facebook page called Life With God In It.

Recovery in the BIble (RIB)

FLEECE OF THE LAMB

I was shocked to learn one fact about sheep. Here it is: A mother sheep will not nurse any lamb other than her own, even when her own lamb has died and there is an orphan who will die if not nursed. Farmers have learned to cover the orphaned lamb with the fleece of the lamb that died. That way, the mother with milk receives the orphaned lamb as her own.

When I heard about this, I thought, “God is like that!” Every human is born with the tendency to “dis” what God recommends. The serpent in Eden said God couldn’t have meant what He said about the fruit -- surely He won’t mind, and so our ancestors ate of it.

Today that same serpent takes many forms, but still manages to trick us into thinking God couldn’t mean …. surely He won’t mind. After all, we assure ourselves, God is love, and we are His children! Not…. In fact, God, who IS in charge, sent Jesus to tell us that we are NOT God’s children, but His creations.

We are born with the curse we inherited, an indwelling sin disposition called “self.” It is that curse Christ came to reverse. His “fleece” is available for every orphaned lamb, though rarely do we know it. Hungry and dying of thirst, we orphaned lambs start bleating our heads off. Then and only then, it seems, do we become willing to come under the Fleece of the Lamb. His “fleece” makes us acceptable for adoption back into God’s family. We are now, finally and at last, truly God’s children. Not because of what we’ve done, but simply because, and only because, we are covered by the Fleece of the Lamb.

Recovery in the BIble (RIB)

DAVID AND GOLIATH

For awhile there, things got stressful beyond belief. I had started a recovery program, having realized we had a problem with alcohol in our home, even though no one was falling down the stairs or leaving the car parked on the front lawn overnight.

It was a horrible time for me. I knew I loved my husband, but I was not willing to lie down with him on the train tracks any longer. At last I had been given the eyes to see that the light approaching us at the end of that tunnel was a train! And, when I realized it was heading straight for us, I filed my complaint. I said I love him, but I was not willing to lie down on the tracks now that I knew for sure that it was a train that barreling toward us.

That’s when I learned about David and Goliath. I had plenty of books on the subject of alcoholism -- and one specifically about alcoholism as a disease. That book, I suddenly understood, was a “stone” I could “throw” at the giant. So I offered it to my husband, knowing that whether or not it hit Goliath was up to God. Three days later, he finished the book, and saying out loud, "I have this disease." God had walked in to offer His Hand. And the giant just lay there, dead on the ground. Death had come to this enemy, this bellowing, belligerent, terrifying giant. Now all these (25 years) later, I can see that he'd been felled by a 6"x9" paperback book.

This photograph is from a Facebook page called Live Life in Color.

Recovery in the Bible (RIB)

THE LOT OF LOT

Remember Lot? Remember that he was the Mayor of Sodom? Remember that he lived at the gate, the entrance to the city? I believe that means he reside (literally) between things: between the wicked city and the lands outside the city gate.

These tidbits remind me of Kadmus, who, in the Euripidean tragedy Bakkhai, is sentenced to perpetual shepherding of the damned. Why? Because he was lukewarm in his earthly life., literally standing  between the tangible world and the world unseen.

So I return to Lot: he was lukewarm, too. Perhaps it is no coincidence that his wife ended up looking back as they fled God’s destruction of their former city. She had been warned about this. But, like Eve, she was tempted and turned into a pillar of salt. In Revelation 3, Jesus speaks to the churches about leaving their First Love and to the church of Laodicea about being neither cold nor hot. “As many as  I love I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent (Revelation 3:14-21).”

God is not mean, but I believe He means what He says. And He says, in Matthew 14:25-27 that we are to keep our eyes FIXED on Jesus, who stands beyond the “boat” in which we are located, and He is beckoning us to come to Him. “Therefore Jesus… suffered outside the gate. So, let us go out to Him outside the camp, bearing His reproach. For here we do not have a lasting city, but we are seeking the city which is to come  (Hebrews 13:12-14).”

Recovery in the Bible (RIB)

 DRY BONES

Practically nobody expects life to get as hard as it gets; at least I didn’t, but then I found myself in a valley that was full of dry bones. At the time, my life was very disassembled. Things were just plain terrible -- at all levels of my life: My father had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer; my husband was unemployed; and my own job was at risk.

I carried burdens and pressures with me during one intense week on company business in Boston, where, professionally, I felt daunted and intimidated and where, personally, I felt overwhelmed. The result was not surprising: I could not sleep. Not a wink. I was full of fear and worry; I felt under attack. It was as though every corpuscle in my body was standing on red alert, carrying a rifle that was fully loaded and ready to explode.

Darkness surrounded me. I couldn’t find hope or comfort anywhere. This must be what hell is like, I thought. Dead tired. Full of fear. Just a heap of dead, dry bones in the darkness of yet another sleepless night.

Then, quietly, in the wee hours of Sleepless Night Number Four, I actually heard a whisper. It was three or four o’clock in the morning, and absolutely silent (rare in any medical facility, but especially rare inside the Longwood Medical Complex, where many hospitals converge). I was still awake, wide awake, worrying about my father, wondering about my husband, and wrestling against discouragement from this client. The adrenaline was racing through my veins when, suddenly, amid the hushed, absolute stillness, I could hear. What I heard was a whisper -- a barely audible whisper that said, “Psalm Three.”

Hearing this shook me up. I knew I hadn’t said it -- I couldn’t even have thought of it. Thus it was with considerable trepidation that I decided to explore the suggestion -- whatever the source. This was a hotel room, after all. There must be, there just has to be a Bible in this place somewhere. So I turned on the light, reached into the night table, and sure enough -- there was a Bible. And here is what I read when I found my way to Psalm Three: Lord, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me; many are saying of me, "There is no help for him in God.” But Thou, O Lord, art a shield around me, My glory and the lifter of my head. I cry aloud to the Lord, And He answers me from His holy hill. Arise, O Lord! Deliver me, O my GOD!

I continued to read, exploring Psalms on either side of Psalm Three, all of which echoed the same message: “Thine enemies surround you, but don’t worry because I AM here; I AM your safeguard; I will protect you.” And my toe bone connected to my foot bone, and my foot bone connected to my ankle bone, and my ankle bone connected to my leg bone, and my leg bone connected to my hip bone-- as though GOD had reached down from on high to re-assemble me and assure me and restore me. I slept.

After just a few hours, I awoke refreshed, positive that GOD had spoken to me and positive that I had learned something important -- namely, to shut up and listen. If I could remember to do that, GOD would breathe life into me, even as I lay as just heap of dry, dead bones.

I think it's called Holy Ground.

Recovery in the Bible (RIB)

THE BURNING BUSH

Unplanned parenthood was my burning bush. Finding myself pregnant at age 43 after 20 years being married without children -- that was my burning bush! I didn’t have a stutter of my speech, but I sure did stammer when it came to pregnancy, always had. My fear of pregnancy was huge. Monumental, And lifelong. For me, pregnancy was synonymous with obesity, and obesity was synonymous with the demise of a marriage. I got those ideas first-hand, watching what happened to my parents. My mother, reportedly, gained weight when she was pregnant with me, still more with each of my brothers. Early in my childhood, I knew something was wrong, because everyone laughed at my mother.  But it wasn’t until high school that I realized something was REALLY wrong, because my parents, unlike any of my friends’ parents, slept in separate bedrooms.

Somehow I synthesized all that into a tremendous fear of pregnancy and parenthood. I could barely say the word “pregnancy” out loud. So when I found myself pregnant, I was more than reluctant to accept God’s call. I remember writing about my feelings -- it was actually a lot like writing about my personal version of a stutter. Writing this helped me decide what I was meant to do:

I Reminded Me of Moses. Writing all this down reminded me of Moses. “Oh God, You are kidding -- please!” I felt like saying, “I have zero interest and/or aptitude for this, but You want me -- You want us -- to be parents? You’ve got to be kidding!”

But God was not kidding. And, thankfully, I knew it. It was like the burning bush. It was like Jonah and Elizabeth and the Virgin Mary (except I was not a virgin) -- all those people in the Bible being asked to do what they considered impossible. And through their doing, showing me that, with God, all things are possible. After my husband took me for a sonogram, I went home to sing to the little lima bean I had just seen growing inside me. I had a persistent urge to sing one particular hymn to that little person, and I could not shake the urge to sing it. But I didn’t know where it was in my old hymnal. So, when I finally found it and dusted it off, I opened it to the very song I had I mind (this is a fact that never ceases to amaze me). Here is the verse for which I was looking, which I sang over and over again to our little burning bush:

Breathe through the heats of our desires,

Thy coolness and Thy balm.

Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire,

Breathe Through the earthquake, wind, and fire

O still, small voice of calm.

In all the turmoil of the moment, I knew that God was telling me to stop and simply listen. What I heard was the silence of eternity -- and the still, small voice of God. I felt touched and chosen, intimately, by God. To this day, I treasure these things and ponder them in my heart.

Recovery in the Bible (RIB)

ADAM AND EVE

It took me years to finally understand what the story of Adam and Eve was telling me -- that I have just one assignment in life: to choose God’s will over my own. It seems so elementary, so simple, so clear. But it has taken me years to understand that message.

Why has it been so hard for me? I guess it’s because I’m human. I inherited the tendency -- it’s in my genes. I’m descendant of Adam and Eve; I am related to Adam, related to Eve.  No wonder I’ve spent so much of my life thrashing through the jungle and slugging through the swamp instead of basking in the sunlight of Eden.

It’s that yummy fruit. At least, it sure looked yummy. But in the course of me lifetime, I’ve finally learned that, at best, it contains empty calories; at worst, it is poison.

Financial security, for example, always looked good to me. It is, to some extent, what I’ve striven for  all my life -- just to have a job of work to do in order to pay my bills. Not so I could incur exorbitant expenses -- just so I could pay my own way. But now I see that security (financial or otherwise) is an illusion. If I’d had it, I might never have turned to God.

For the longest time, however, that delicious looking piece of fruit was what I wanted,; I mean I wanted some of it. I didn’t really appreciate that I was supposed to be doing something else. I just wasn’t listening.

It was financial insecurity that gave me ears to hear. Thanks to God, I began to listen and look. What I heard was the still, small voice of God; what I saw was the Cross of Christ: Jesus doing what God wanted Him to do no matter how hard it got.

I am so grateful for what Jesus did. His obedience shows me what I must do, too. He shows the way. It means dying to self, one day at a time. It means God’s will be done, not mine.

Finally, after all these years, I’ve realized that my deafness was because I’m human-- that, when push comes to shove, I naturally tend to do what I want, instead of what God is asking me to do. And so I pray to forsake eating of the yummy-looking fruit of this life, to listen for God’s will for me, and to do it, whatever it is and no matter how hard it gets.